If it doesn't open it's not your door.

closed doors & opening windows

The events that have happened in the past 6 months of my life are nothing short of incredible.  

2 weeks into starting the process of IVF the Corona virus made its appearance. Shortly after both Chris and and I lost our jobs, but we were to far into the IVF process to turn back.

It was all worth it however when the IVF cycle was a success!

I wish I could say after 5 long years of trying to get pregnant all my troubles were over, and we lived happily ever after… but I was carrying around a lot of fear, dread and doubt for those first weeks of pregnancy. Though a complete shock and absolute devastation when my 7-week ultrasound showed that our baby had disappeared into thin air, I guess I realized that I had sensed all along that something wasn’t right. 

I’ve worked tirelessly over the past few years to become a positive person and purge my life of negativity to the best of my ability. I think this is what got me through the miscarriage and even though I was unimaginably sad I recovered quickly. 

A week after the miscarriage A job opportunity fell into my lap. One that I wouldn’t have seen or considered had I been pregnant. It was the perfect job for me down to location, hours, flexibility and so much more. 

It was one of those things in life that happened easily and effortlessly because it was meant to be. 

I started right away and it gave me something to throw myself into to get my mind of of the miscarriage and what was next. 

We had exhausted our savings on IVF and Covid was still in full force and Chris was still out of work. the next cycle of IVF was going to have to wait until things turned around. 

One morning when we felt like we had hit rock bottom, Chris and I were brainstorming about how to get enough money so that we could go ahead with our next round of IVF sooner than later. We decided to start a fundraiser on Facebook. 

It was an impulsive decision and because of it there were some sacrifices that we had to make. The biggest one being that our very personal story was now on social media and every friend, acquaintance, and family member now new about our fertility struggles. However, we raised $12,000 in 3 days and all the love and support that came to us because of it was staggering. 

Now we had enough money to do another round immediately without any financial worry. 

As we prepared for our next cycle an unexpected turn of events presented itself into our lives.  A fiend of a friend who had heard about our fertility struggles presented us with an opportunity to adopt. 

Adoption was something we had been talking about for a long time regardless if we could have biological children or not. It was never something I would have considered if I was currently pregnant, and all of a sudden, I realized opportunities were presenting themselves to me because of my miscarriage. First a job that I wouldn’t have taken If I had stayed pregnant and now the possibility of an adoption!

I had my second transfer yesterday and I’m laying here writing having no idea of what the future holds for us, but feeling optimistic. 

If this cycle works and all goes well with the adoption our babies will be born 6 weeks apart. 

I have moments of doubt and fear that neither will work, and I’ll be left back at square 1, but I also realize that the events that have taken place over the last months haven’t been chance and that only divine intervention could have orchestrated all that has happened. 

 

most popular

INDIA part 1: NOT OF THIS WORLD

For my first experience of India it would have been smart to choose a nice quiet, clean, touristy destination. (Wait does that exist?)
We arrived into Kolkata very late in the night, but thankfully found a willing taxi driver quickly.

Read More »

Part 1: A long journey

My journey towards conception has been long, grueling, and at times extremely painful. 

It’s also been a beautiful journey full of self exploration and change. 

Read More »

lets hang out

Wylder’s story

“Labor is the only blind date where you’re sure you’ll meet the love of your life.” -Unknown Tweet Wylder’s story Wylder was born June 10th

Read More »

belly full of baby

Pregnancy is getting company inside one’s skin. -Maggie Scarf Tweet belly full of baby Is every  kick, roll and hiccup extra magical for me because

Read More »

pregnancy

After my miscarriage, we were incredibly fortunate to be able to repeat IVF a second time only a few months later.
A few days after my second transfer, I started to feel the same symptoms and sensations that I had after my first, and I was quite certain the transfer had once again been a success.

Read More »
IVF diaries

6 week scare

My sister and nephew were in town, and we planned to celebrate my 6-week pregnancy.
we had just returned from a river camping trip and were excited to have a good dinner out later that evening.
About mid-morning I started to feel tired and bloated.

Read More »
Everything creative

grandmas Big pancakes

One of my fondest memories of childhood was the smell of big pancakes whirling like a little ballerina into my bedroom on chilly winter mornings.

Read More »