The greater the difficulty the more glory in surmounting it.
Having 9 days to wait, following the transfer before a blood test would confirm or deny pregnancy was brutal. I’m going to be perfectly honest in saying that they were the longest days of my life. I had to religiously and relentlessly keep myself in the present moment, or I would find myself taking future trips to places I didn’t want to go.
Staying busy and exercise are what I usually do to help me with my racing mind, but because of the circumstances I was supposed to be chilling at home and exercise was a no no.
Spending most of my afternoons on our little balcony I tried my best to lose myself in nature. The hummingbirds were out in full force and proved to be excellent company. I watched them for hours as they effortlessly enjoyed their crazy birdie lives.
A few days after the transfer, I started feeling really tired.
If you read part one of my story, you know that there was a previous time that I had convinced myself of pregnancy symptoms only to be devastated by failure in the end. Still a bit traumatized from this past experience I was determined to not let it happen again.
The night before the test I had a strange dream where I told my sister I thought I was pregnant but was struggling to trust myself because of past failures.
Finely, the day arrived, and Chris and I walked along the river to our local clinic for the test that would determine our future.
The rest of the afternoon I laid on the couch doing everything in my power to not think of the possibility of yet another failure.
My nurse called about 3:00 and over my pounding heart I heard her say congratulations my dear you’re pregnant.
I let out a sob…
She started telling me about the next steps and I tried to pay attention while at the same time I was on my knees thanking the universe for this dream of mine that had just come true.
The next couple of days went by in a blur as we called our family and closest friends to let them know of our great success.
After many years of effort, and then final surrender a long voyage has ended.
Knowing that I still have struggles to face and faith to build I realize this isn’t the end of a journey but the beginning and I feel POWERFUL and ready.
a sudden slightly shrill scream escaped from me as the man ran in front of our cab after being picked up from the Cairo airport.
We were speeding along the freeway when it happened, and I having never experienced anything like it before, thought it was a crazy man that just about lost his life.
When it happened several more times before arriving at the hotel, I realized I was wrong.
This is a post written by Elizabeth Gilbert that I stumbled upon a while back. It brought me to tears and has changed the way I look at my life.
I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
If you have experienced infertility, then chances are you have experienced huge uncertainty.
Like me you have probably found yourself on a roller coaster of endless cycles of uncertainty and fear.
I’m known in my family for being a go-getter. I’ve been known to put myself through a LOT of self-induced stress while trying to accomplish a goal I have fixed my sight on.
For my first experience of India it would have been smart to choose a nice quiet, clean, touristy destination. (Wait does that exist?)
We arrived into Kolkata very late in the night, but thankfully found a willing taxi driver quickly.
This is a post I wrote a few years ago, when I was still hoping for and dead set on a natural pregnancy.
It was a phase or a stage of my journey that I needed to go through.
For a long time I felt like I was supposed to conceive naturally, and that because I didn’t I had failed.