From the moment we made the decision to do IVF, I knew that I wanted it to be a positive and powerful experience. 

The following is a list of positive reinforcements that I carried with me through the process and that helped me on numerous occasions to choose peace instead of fear. 

Fear is my enemy.

Everything I want wants me and is running eagerly into my arms. 

I am worthy of having a baby and being a mom.

deep breath…Okay…everything is working out…deep breath…

I am not a victim. 

I choose to play this hand I’ve been dealt.

I am surrounded by angels.

My womb is a powerful place full of love.

I choose to create peace within and around me.

I am proving to myself that I am ready to be a mom by remaining calm and graceful. 

There is no rush.

I am guided and protected.

joy clears the path.

I step back and let love lead the way.

My body supports me.

Everything always works out for me.

Day 1:  STIMULATION PHASE BEGINS

My IVF journey has officially begun followed by my first self-given injection this morning. 

I’m not going to lie I was super nervous. Mostly because I don’t want to do anything wrong and mess it all up. 

Anyway, one injection down and many more to go!

We found a beautiful little Airbnb right near the hospital and so it’s going to be a mini vacation for us as well. It will be really nice since we have been locked up in quarantine for almost 2 months now. 

DAY 3

I definitely had butterflies during my first ultrasound this morning. 

They checked to see if everything looked good enough to begin. Everything looked perfect.

I just have to keep reminding myself to chill out and let go of having to control. The universe has my back. 

DAY 4

Day four of IVF finds me feeling pretty dang good. 

We just checked into our gorgeous little Airbnb downtown Denver.

At my ultrasound this morning they found 42 follicles, and I was told that everything is looking beautiful. 

I am strong, I am powerful, I am worthy, I am victorious! I AM TIRED!

Day 6

I had an extra thorough ultrasound tech this morning. 

She spent ages looking for imperfections in my uterus. 

to be honest she kind of got under my skin and freaked me out a little. 

She found several irregularities, and I left thinking that I was probably going to have to have another surgery before the embryo transfer could be done. 

I’m proud of myself because even though I am scared I am remaining calm and not jumping to conclusions until I can talk to Dr. Barton tomorrow morning. 

Day 7

Dr. Barton didn’t even mention the ultrasound yesterday and when I asked her about it, she said the irregularities were nothing to worry about and would disappear with my next cycle. 

Doing my best to not feel resentful toward the ultrasound girl who knew nothing about what she was running her mouth about. 

Day 8

23 follicles this morning. Quite a bit fewer than when we started but completely normal apparently. 

I received a call from my nurse late this afternoon saying that my estrogen levels have spiked, and they need to watch me closely for OHSS. (Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome.)

The process is moving along very quickly, and it looks like I will be triggering tomorrow night. 

We went to my brother and sister in laws for dinner, and it was good to get my mind off of IVF for a few hours. 

Day 9

I received a call late this morning saying I would be triggering tonight. 

I feel relieved to know that this part of the phase is coming to an end.

My breasts are so sore that I want to cry (thanks to the estrogen surge) and I feel heavy, sluggish and so sleepy. 

I have to keep myself up late tonight. The trigger is at 11:15 pm.

Day 10 

I gave myself the second trigger shot this morning and my egg retrieval is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 8:15.

I’m a little bit nervous, because I know how important the timing is for this part of the process. 

I’ve heard stories about women waking up from their retrieval to be informed that they had already ovulated and now had to repeat the whole process over again. NOOOOO!

RETRIEVAL

We’re back home in the mountains!

The retrieval couldn’t have gone better. 

Chris was allowed to sit with me in the pre-op room until I was wheeled off. (they had only just begun allowing this again since the beginning of Covid)

My nurse was really funny, positive and super nice. 

I woke up and received news several min later that they had retrieved 20 eggs.

I’m very sore and extremely bloated but I’m very happy this part of the process is over. 

With only a few bumps in the road it has been a wonderful week and definitely a very positive and powerful experience. 

EMBRYO UPDATE

The lab called me this morning with news that 16 of our 20 eggs have fertilized.

I’m sure it sounds weird, but I feel a sort of attachment and fondness for our little embryos already. 

I know they are safe and being taken care of in their little Petrie dishes in Denver. They are strong and healthy and growing rapidly. 

I’m really look forward to them coming home! (At least one of them anyway):

The next call will be 5 days from now when they will let us know how many of them have made it to the final stage where they will be frozen until transfer. 

BLASTOCYST UPDATE

I tried to keep my mind off of our little embryos the last 5 days. 

It can all be a little overwhelming sometimes, so keeping busy and not allowing myself to overthink things is important. 

Thankfully we received the call pretty early this morning letting us know that 10 of our embryos have made it to blastocysts. 7 of them arrived there yesterday and 3 more early this morning. YAY!

TRANSFER SCHEDULED

I received my schedule for the transfer this morning. 

I start medication in 3 weeks, so it’s really nice to have a little time to take some deep breaths. 

The next phase seems less intense than the first, but it also involves the dreaded 2 week wait. 

I’m going to prepare myself, although I’m not sure how yet, so that the 2 week wait is a time that I can enjoy instead of fear. 

GENETIC TESTING RESULTS AND FINAL COUNT

I just had a phone call with Dr Barton.

Our results for the genetic testing came back. 

Out of the 10 embryos 5 are normal and 4 are perfect grade A’s.

I would have loved for them all to be perfect, but thats just me being a little greedy and distrustful of the universe. 

We have 4 amazing potential babies and I’m eternally grateful for each one of them. 

I’m grateful for my amazing body and also for my husbands for creating these 4 potential perfect babies. 

thank you! thank you! thank you!

2 WEEKS UNTIL TRANSFER

 It’s been really nice to take  some time off in between the retrieval and the transfer. 

It was my doctors choice to wait for the transfer because of my PCOS, but I have to say I am so grateful for this break in between. 

It has given me the opportunity to prepare myself physically, mentally and emotionally for what is to come next. 

It’s a really exciting time for Chris and I right now and this break gives us time to savor each moment leading up to parenthood. 

DAY OF TRANSFER

MORNING-

I woke up in a bubble of blissful love this morning. I’m laying in bed getting ready for the culminating moment of the entire IVF process. 

Text messages of love, encouragement and well wishes from our closet friends and family are slowly lighting up my phone. Each one of them brings tears to my eyes. I think love is going to bring this child into the world today. 

AFTERNOON-

The transfer was wonderful. The Valium helped to cast a rosy glow on the process for sure. 

There were a couple of really nice surprises throughout the afternoon. 

I had been informed a couple weeks prier that Dr. Barton would be out of town the day of the transfer, and another Doctor would be performing the procedure. We like Dr. Barton and it was a wonderful surprise when she walked into the room. 

The second bit of wonderful news came when the embryologist told us that we had 5 healthy embryos not 4 like they had told us previously. Yay!

We were both really excited and a bit in awe as we saw our little embryo pop up on the screen. 

Dr. Barton said that Chris was welcome to come over and take a picture of it. 

We watched on the ultra sound monitor as it was inserted and for an exhilarating very  brief moment we saw our little embryo as it settled into it’s new home. 

Dr. Barton said everything looked beautiful and wished us good luck.

The nurse said that we had just witnessed a text book transfer.

Now it was time for bedrest and some serious R